For all you parents who are brave enough to drive your small children to school everywhere, this one's for you.
Dear Crazy Parent (usually a Mom, but I don't want to stereotype) in the Drop-Off Loop at the Elementary School,
GET A CLUE.
Parking loops are not a new-fangled thing. In fact, they have existed for a very long time and should be no surprise to anyone when they encounter them in a school parking lot. Unlike the round-about, there are no complex set of rules or multiple lanes going several directions to confuse you. There are just a few guidelines, and they are very simple.
You go in.
Your child gets out of your car.
You go out.
NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
This does not mean stop your car in the middle of the line, go around to the other side, unbuckle your 4th grader, give them a lecture and a kiss on the head, pat their bottom as you stand there (car door ajar) waving, fighting back a lone tear watching them walk to the doors until their entire body is inside the school while the cars in line behind you begin to back up into the street.
The school has about 4 helpers out there in brightly colored vests seeing to it that the children get inside the school, I'm pretty sure that nothing is going to happen to your kid in the 10 yards from your car door to the school. But I guess you can't be too careful...
Do not stop your car after you've just ejected your child out the sunroof to talk to a girlfriend you haven't seen since yesterday after the morning spinning class when you met for a grande quadruple iced caramel mocha americano. Making it an americano doesn't make it healthier, by the way.
Do not gun up one of the center parking lanes and try to cut in line. This is an elementary school for goodness sakes! If you're in that much of a hurry please just stop on the corner and push your child out of your car. Then you can be on your merry little way.
(I don't suggest that anyone actually DO that last one)
And one more thing, if you are being particularly impatient and decide to go into the center parking area to walk your child in, please LOOK BOTH WAYS before crossing the line of cars who ARE actually following the rules. Nobody likes to see that much blood that early in the morning if you happen to get hit by a car. Besides, that would scare the children.
So you see, like I said before, NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
A Concerned Parent
PS. If you have any problem understanding the rules, please just send your child on the bus and save us all the headache and exasperation.